One of my favourite bloggers, Lydia Elise Millen recently said something in a video about friendship which made me rethink every friendship that I have and that I ever had. The thing she said was a quote that she recently learned herself. The quote is Friendships are here for a reason, a season or a lifetime. There is nothing wrong with ending a friendship, it doesn’t even have to be on bad terms. If that friendship was in your life for a reason and you have evolved from that reason there is no need to maintain the friendship. Which sounded awful to me at first but it makes sense. It certainly made me feel more at peace with some friendship that didn’t last for no specific reason.
When you are a child or a teenager the majority of your friends are people you see on a daily basis. You don’t have to put too much effort into maintaining those friendships because you have a very consistent way of having contact. But when that school environment changes because you went to high school or even college you have to put a lot more effort into maintaining a consistent relationship. So the friendships that were only based on that consistency have a higher tendency to end than the friendship were you have build a stronger connection because you shared more personal stories or you were each others motivators. A Ted Talk by Shasta Nelson that I recently watched clearly explained what it takes to build a strong friendship. The three factors according to her are positivity, consistency and vulnerability. She said one sentence that concluded it all; We want to feel loved, but we only feel loved when we feel known. And we only feel known if we share ourselves. I recommend watching her Ted talk she explains it very clear. The friendships that last are the ones that are more meaningful than just doing nice things together. The friendship where you feel heard and where you feel comfortable sharing personal stories are the ones that will stand the test of time. And I am only talking about keeping and building friendships, Shasta Nelson goes even further she explains what is important to not feel lonely within a friendship. I am very curious about your opinions about friendships and what you find is the most important.
The reason why I am writing about this topic is because I am going to move to an other country again. This time it isn’t a short term plan. It might even become a lifetime plan. So of course topics like friendships cross your mind when you are changing a big part of your life. I am not worrying about it I just like to understand everything. So when a Ted talk with a title about friendship popped up on my YouTube homepage I had to give it a go. It is really interesting to hear someone explain something that you have always taken for granted, something that you never actually thought about on a deeper level. I do believe it is a good thing to take some time, from time to time to have a little reflection about topics that you normally don’t really think about.